Comedians’ True Acid Stories from “Tales from the Trip”

– [Joel] Try and imagine the
best thing you’ve ever tasted, and then imagine
that it is dangerous. And that is pineapple on acid. (funky music) Hi I’m Joel Kim Booster and this is the
story of the time I tripped acid and experienced
the flavor of danger. Fire Island, if
you’re not in the know is sort of an iconic gay
vacation destination. It’s a very teeny, tiny
island connected to New York, completely without cars,
and completely full of gay men in various
states of undress. And every year me and my friends try and stuff as
many bored gay men into one giant
house as possible. My friend busts out his LSD, which in this case is
in the form of Oreos. We pop a few Oreos,
and we’re like, “Let’s head to the beach. “It’s our last day. “Let’s enjoy it while we can.” And then I noticed my hands, next to my hands all of
this sand is starting to sort of, float. I was like, “Oh. I
think this is it. “I think I’m tripping.” And the thing about LSD is it turns your entire
world into a video game. We would sit there and we’d
be like, “Someone’s missing.” And they would be like,
“No. Time to count. “One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven.” And then we’d be like,
“Okay, shh. We’re all here.” And then one idiot
would be like, “But what if numbers
aren’t real?” And that is a whole other thing. We had to be like,
“No no no no no no. “We can’t follow that. “We can’t follow that logic “because then it would
be a full disaster.” Moving from the beach
to the boardwalk, from the boardwalk,
back to the house, felt like a herculean effort. We get back into the house. We decided that we
needed to make snacks and one of my friends decided that the only thing we could do was take a giant pineapple
and cut it into slices. We were down on our hunches
watching as my friend slowly, for what seemed like
maybe three hours, cut a pineapple using
a real goddamn knife all the while screaming at him, “Be careful! Be careful! “No this is a mistake! “This is a mistake, we
have to stop doing this! “We can’t, it’s not worth it. “The pineapple isn’t worth it!” It turns out the pineapple
was absolutely worth it. It was the best pineapple
I’ve ever tasted in my life. Try and imagine the best
thing you’ve ever tasted, and then imagine
that it is dangerous. And that is pineapple on acid. I decided to make the mistake of sneaking away from the group and sort of going off
on my own adventure. And this had happened a couple
times throughout the day, and I’ve decided to turn
on a little bit of music and just stare at
myself in the mirror. And the thing is, is like, my entire life, I’ve
also had a lot of issues with how I looked. Of course, all of the things
you’d expect would happen on LSD happened. My face started to melt. I started to look old. I started to see
myself as a baby, but I was looking at my body, and I was like looking at myself with the eyes of fucking God. And I was like,
that dude is dope. This guy is killing it. Then it would go away
and would suddenly have a flash of looking
like Larry King, but those moments
when I was looking at my full nude-ass body and I was like hell yeah and I walked out
of that bathroom and life changed. This is how I am going to
look at myself forever. – [Woman] Tales from the
(electronic effects) Trip. – [Akilah] It was
like “Ren and Stimpy”. I could see every hair follicle, every pore. It was harrowing. (funky music) Hi, my name is Akilah Hughes and this is the story
of when I dropped acid and watched “Freaks and Geeks”. (laughs) The Postal Service’s
album, “Give Up”, which had been out for 10 years, was touring and so
we decided to go. We went, it was dead. Pitchfork gave it a
perfect score like everyone likes this album but for some reason no
one was at the concert. But we wanted the
night to keep going. We wanted to have a good time. And so my friend, Tim was like, (male voice) “You guys
wanna do some acid?” And I was like, “All right.” We went back to Linsberg,
Tim’s apartment, and we dropped acid. I was on the roof
of the building, and I just started ugly crying, it was like Kim Kardashian, just like her diamond earrings
were falling in the ocean. Some other people who lived
in the building got upstairs. They were a little freaked out. They were like, “What’s
goin’ on with your friend?” And I’m like, “Cool, let’s
just get back in the elevator.” We decide that we’re gonna watch “Freaks and Geeks”. So I was like, “I don’t know
how you’re gonna find it. “I’m gonna go to the bathroom.” I was in the
bathroom for an hour. I stared at the toilet paper thinking if I was going
to start unrolling it it might unroll forever. I didn’t think that
I had the ability, the strength in my
body to stop it. So I just sat there
drippin’ in the toilet and waiting to find the courage. I eventually wiped. After I was done
washing my hands, which I assume took 25 minutes, I looked in the mirror. And I swear to you, I looked 200 years old. It was like “Ren and Stimpy” where they did those crazy
hyper-realistic drawings. It was like I could
see ever hair folicle, the one weird chin
hair, every pore. It was harrowing. It was bad. I looked haggard. So I started crying again. I cried looking in the mirror, I touched the mirror
like it was a jail, I was just holding my hand there like, “Oh no you’re so
old you’re gonna die.” I went and sat on the couch, and so my friend was like,
“I’ve got a bunch of oranges.” And I heard that
oranges taste amazing when you’re tripping. And I’m like, “What
is it about then?” He was preparing the oranges, slicing them and making
them good for us. Wwe were like, “Why don’t
we draw what we’re feeling?” And I just started
drawing circles. And then it started
to get really intense, like a kid in a horror movie, like you know those
unhinged kids who are and for some reason
always drawing a circle? I look at my boyfriend
and I’m like, “You’re not even hot.” “You guys are all pretending.” And he picked up (laughing) what he was drawing. And it was the ugliest
drawing of a cow! It looked like a little kid
who had never seen a cow. But I knew it was a cow, because he wrote the word “moo” next to the drawing. Around this point,
my friend, Tim, brought over the citrus. I was immediately
transported to the 90s Fruit Gushers commercial where the heads
turn into the fruit when they bite into the candy. So I’m eating six oranges. For some reason I’m going ham
and cheese on these oranges. I can’t get enough oranges. I don’t know why I
decided to do this, but I was like, “I am
allergic to oranges.” I’m not allergic to oranges. (laughing) Re-watching
this, that’s a lie. But I wanted the drama of
everyone caring in that moment. (cheering)
And no one cared! They’re like, “Well you
had six and you’re fine!” (laughing) I’m like, “I
could die at any moment!” They’re like, “I don’t know “how to be there
for you right now.” And my boyfriend
was like, “I think we should probably go
back to my apartment. “We gotta get out of here” And we went back
to his apartment, and then eventually, I would say maybe
two hours later, After just laying in bed
and stariong in the ceiling and not talking to each other, we had sex. (funky music) And then we went to sleep. (laughing) – [Woman] Tales from the
(electronic effects) Trip. – [Cody] Frikkin’
swomp, shirt’s off. Blamp, pants are off! Scoobity-doo, boxers come off, my wang dangler’s all
jangling with each other. (funky music) – Hi, my name is
Cody Harrison Reiss, and this is the time that I
shit-farted myself on acid. I’m in Brazil, right? I’m in a bar, and it’s frikkin’ bumpin’ but it’s completely empty
except for me and this one lady. She’s got a little
tattoo on her arm that’s, it’s a 69, I was like, “Okay. “I feel you. Like,
what’s goin’ on, dude?” So I’m talkin’, I’m
like, “Oh hell yeah dude. “This is about to be
kissy town U.S.A.” And we’re chattin’ it up and she’s like, “Hey
you seem pretty groovy. “Do you want to eat
some acid with me?” And then she mentions
that she’s married. And I’m like, “Oh.
Well if you’re married, “probably not gonna
be givin’ kisses “to each other and stuff.” So I was like, “Well, do
you want to take that acid?” She reaches in her pocket,
pulls out the papers and frikkin’ bon appetit dude! We slammed those right
into our gouches, and fuckin’ chomped down on ’em. And we’re walkin’ around
and whenever I’m in nature, on psychedelics, I really want to interact
with the plants a lot. Their arms and their plant little
arms are just extending and I find myself just
kinda shaking little hands, and I’m like, “Lookin’
beautiful today, my friend. “It’s so good to see you!” So anyways, we’re
walkin’ around, talkin’ and I give a little
heads up to plants, and eventually we make
it down to the ocean. It’s like huzah! Fucking water shores awesome. Put our little toesies in and oh my God! It’s like a big ol’
butter bath, my dude. Maybe we should freaking
skimp off our little grizzlies and get in there. So we do. Frikkin’swomp, shirt’s off! Blamp, pants are off! Scoobity-doo, boxers come off, my wang dangler’s all wang
jangling with each other, and we go, there’s tiny little waves and we’re body
surfin’ a little bit, and I don’t know
if anyone out there has ever body surfed
when you’re naked, but it’s like having a
big giant massage rug, fitting to your body as you
like freaking roll around. And eventually we’re like,
layin’there on our backs, lookin’ up at the stars, and it’s this feeling of just serenity. You look up serenity
in the dictionary, and right next to “on drugs” in the dictionary, and it’s like (makes popping noises) And there’s so many
stars that it’s kinda, they kind of combine
into slooshes of white blinkiness in the sky. And I’m laying on her chest, and every breath she takes the world seems to breathe with
her like (breathing deeply). But when the sun starts to rise. And it’s like a
fuvkig masterclass on sick colors, dude. Purple’s there, it’s
like, “What’s up dude? “I’m here!” And orange is like, “Hey dude. “You forgot about
me, didn’t you?” And I’m like,
“Totally did, dude. “It’s great to see you again.” And anyways, somehow
in frikkin’ God’s name, we fall asleep there, and we open our eyeballs and this guy’s really
slowly joggin’, and goes, “Someone
stole your bag.” And we look down, her
bag had been stolen. So we decided to make our
way to the police station. And we get to the police station and they got freakin’ beards on, and they got tank tops, and they got their
fuckin’ spaghetti straps, what are those called? The fuckin’ business tutors that everybody’s wears
back in the day like, “Hey youie!” Suspenders! And the police chief is there, he’s a very small
guy, very big hat. He got really big
eyebrows, no teeth. His nose turned a
little to the side, I’m lookin’ at him in the face and I’m like, “I’ll
give you a scramble.” Obviously we’re on drugs, so we’re feelin’ a little
shifty in our boots. He turns to me and he’s like,
“So are you the husband?” And I’m like, “Oh, yeah! “This lady is married! “What have we been doin’?” We spent like, we just frolicked
around naked for hours and at that point, I’m like, “Okay, well I probably
should not be here.” And I decided to see myself out. And I’m starting
to feel relaxed. And at ease. And in this moment of
complete lack of tension, my butt cheeks unclench,
(wet squishing sound) and I shit my pants. And there I am. Tripping on acid, outside
of a police station, on an island in Brazil chunking my shorts
with monkey chowder. What was that? Did we kiss? Well. I’ll never tell. – [Woman] Tales from the
(electronic effect) Trip.

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